This One Goes Out to the One I Love: A Conflict of Interest




Dearest Diet Coke,

We need to talk. 

I know we’ve been close to each other for … I don’t know, 15 years now? And it’s been great. Especially these last 5 years or so where you’ve been a constant companion. We’ve done a lot together. Road trips. Experienced new love interests. You were even there when I quit smoking.

And now I need to quit you.

I know it’s sudden. But it’s something I need to do. I can’t keep buying you and drinking you. I’m dehydrated. I’m bloated. I’m sluggish. And you’re not helping.

And don’t try to tell me it’s not you. Because it is. You may be Zero Calorie, but there are still a lot of weird chemicals in you that I’m sure are not good for me. And last I checked, you have no nutritional benefit.

I ran across this today. It’s a study showing tooth decay similar to that of meth addicts in people who abuse diet sodas.

We both know I already have a huge fear of my teeth falling out. So this was less than pleasant.

I don’t want rotten teeth. I don’t want to be sluggish. 

I don’t want to want you anymore.

Perhaps we’ll meet again. If only for a brief moment. Maybe to reminisce about bygone times with a little bit of rum.

But until then, goodbye. 

– Danielle



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